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Life Is an Ambigram

Lately, I feel like I’ve lost all my creativity to write. It has been weeks since I last wrote about anything in particular. Most of the days I feel like I am trapped in an endless loop of existence. Half of my day is spent in college and the other half in exhaustion. And somehow, I am still trying to crawl through the horrible tunnel that I thought I had finally escaped—exams. But in the midst of all the chaos that’s happening in my life, I found another reason that made my curious little mind happy again. Ambigrams. Since my Instagram algorithm had been feeding me things that only aggravated my worries, I decided to escape to Youtube for a while. I had subscribed to several interesting channels that feed my curiosity. Be it about general knowledge, random facts, historical events, psychological concepts, horror stories, and even my favourite topic; penguins. So while scrolling through videos, I came across a video by ‘Vsauce’ (btw, it’s a crazy channel you must definitely check it ou...
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When I Finally Compete With My Consciousness


When I finally compete with my consciousness, 
when I pin it down,
wrestle it breathless,
strip it of every voice but my own—
I only hear the sound 
of my scream.

Not a scream that shatters glass, 
not one that makes the walls shake.
But the kind that lives in your bones,
gnaws at the back of your throat,
a constant 
chocking ache. 

It begs, 
not to be saved,
not even to be heard,
just to be seen.
For once.
Not analyzed,
not fixed,
just witnessed.

I carry myself like a well-lit room,
but I am flickering.
I laugh like I am full,
but my echo rings hollow.
I am made of mirrors I did not choose,
each one reflecting a version of me I do not recognize.
Each one more palatable than the last.
Each one,
not me. 

Do you know how it feels 
to scream in a language no one speaks?
To bleed in colors no one sees?
To be your own audience,
your own ghost,
your own erasure?

So I compete.
With my consciousness.
With my coping.
With my silence.

And when I win,
when I finally win,
all that is left
is the voice of my scream.
Still begging.
Still invisible.
Still me.

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