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The Phases of Love

We all in our school must have studied the phases of the moon, at least once. Of course we did. At that age, I didn’t give much thought beyond learning what was taught just to pass exams. The moon was merely another chapter in the textbook, and I forgot about it later (hehe). As the summers passed, I gradually began to understand the phases of the moon in a way most people might not. Who doesn’t like to look at the clear sky at night? Stare at the stars until you forget the count? Or draw imaginary characters by mapping them together? I was that kid. I am that kid, actually. Even now, I look at the sky as if one day it might disappear and I would lose the opportunity to connect with my soulmate. Someone once told me that if you look at the night sky and think about your loved one, they, too, are thinking about you. (i forgot who told me this, but thanks for feeding my delusions. I shall find you one day threat )  I cannot help but think about how love can be simply seen in every po...
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Friendship and Mental Health: How Peer Dynamics Shape Well-being

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When I was in school, I remember sitting next to my friend in class. The one I shared my lunch with and the one who knew my secrets. How they treated me somehow decided how I felt about myself. When things were good, I felt seen and accepted. But when distance crept in, when a friend stopped talking, or a new group formed without me, it quietly hurt me in ways I didn’t understand back then. After a few of those moments, I began to wonder, “Maybe I’m just not interesting enough to have good friends.” That thought remained in my head for years. Looking back now, I realize friendships shaped a lot of how I saw myself, how I felt, and even how I believed the world sees me. 

Because the truth is, our friendships whisper to our hearts more than we often admit. They influence our mood, self-esteem, how we cope with stress, and sometimes, our mental health in ways that linger long after adolescence.

Adolescence isn’t just a phase of weird growth spurts, exams, or “fitting in”. It’s a time when we begin leaning more on our peers for things that earlier came mostly from family. According to a review, most studies show that positive peer support correlates with better resilience in adolescents with mental health needs (Roach, 2018). When friendships are strong, trusting, accepting, and emotionally safe, they buffer us from pressures like academic demands, family expectations, and social anxiety. But when friendships are weak, filled with conflict or exclusion, they can add a layer of stress that weighs heavily.

Does having more friends mean being happier? Well, not really. I’ve realized that who your friends are, how your interactions feel, and how comfortable you can be with them matter much more than the number of people you call “friend.” Friendship quality includes elements like closeness, trust, being able to share fears and failures, being accepted as you are, low conflict, and emotional support. A systematic review found that the quality of friendships has strong positive associations with life satisfaction, happiness, self-esteem, and subjective well-being (Alsarrani et al., 2022).

The Positive Side

When friendships are good:

  • They are a source of emotional support: Having a friend to talk to during a bad day, someone who listens without judging, can make all the difference. Research shows that adolescents who share strong, trusting friendships report higher life satisfaction and better emotional health (Alsarrani et al., 2022).

  • Shared experiences: Laughs, small victories, and even shared struggles help you feel less alone. A recent study found that peer support and empathy significantly improve students’ “study wellbeing.” This showed that shared moments build not just happiness but a sense of academic and emotional stability (Tikkanen et al., 2024).

  • Belonging & identity: Feeling accepted teaches us that we belong, even when everything else feels chaotic. Adolescents with higher-quality friendships show greater self-esteem and stability over time, particularly girls, whose sense of well-being often grows through self-worth fostered by close friends (Luijten et al., 2023).

  • Confidence & resilience: Good friendships allow you to test yourself, make mistakes, and bounce back. They become a mirror that helps you grow, and studies confirm that adolescents who feel emotionally supported by friends develop stronger resilience against stress and depressive symptoms (Graber et al., 2015; Lee et al., 2021).

The Negative Side

But friendships aren’t always uplifting. There can be: 

  • Peer victimization or bullying: It’s not just the physical or verbal attacks that hurt; it’s the silent aftermath. A longitudinal study showed that adolescents who faced peer victimization at age 11 had higher rates of emotional and physical complaints well into adulthood (Kretschmer et al., 2024).

  • Increased risk of anxiety and low well-being: Cyberbullying, in particular, has become a silent stressor. A study found that adolescents aged 12-16 who faced repeated online victimization showed sharp declines in both emotional and cognitive aspects of well-being over time (Vieta-Piferrer et al., 2024).

  • Long-term impacts: Even when bullying doesn’t lead to clinical depression, it can quietly lower overall life satisfaction, self-worth, and academic achievement years later. A study found that peer victimization and mental health struggles during adolescence directly predicted poorer emotional and academic outcomes in adulthood (Frick et al., 2023).

As we grow older, our lives change. We get busy with jobs, responsibilities, and family. Friendships often change too; fewer in number, maybe fewer deep ones because time is scarcer. But the importance doesn’t diminish.

What This Means for You 

Maybe you read this and recognize some friendships lifting you up, and some that drag you down. That’s okay. Awareness is the first step. Here are things you might try:

  • Notice: Which friendships make you feel better after talking? Which leave you anxious or uncertain?

  • Invest: Try to spend more time with people who accept you, validate you, and encourage you.

  • Boundaries: It’s okay to distance yourself from friendships that are habitually critical, draining, or make you feel less than.

  • Communicate: Sometimes conflict or misunderstanding can be healed if you can talk things out honestly.

  • Seek skill-growth: Emotional awareness, assertiveness, learning how to say no or express your needs.

But sometimes, we need someone outside our friend group to talk to—someone trained, someone who sees the patterns we don’t. That’s where Apex Psychological Solution comes in. If your friendships are confusing, painful, or just leaving you drained, Apex offers a safe, confidential space to explore:

  • What’s going right, what’s not.

  • How to build healthier friendships, not more of the same.

  • How to heal from peer hurt, set boundaries, and grow in confidence.

You don’t have to carry alone what your friendships whisper to you. With help and insight, you can shape relationships that lift you, not hold you back. You deserve friendships that let you breathe, that let you show up as you are, that make life feel lighter. And if you ever feel stuck in your friendships or what they’re doing to your mind and heart, Apex is here to walk with you through that.

References

Alsarrani, A., Hunter, R. F., Dunne, L., & Garcia, L. (2022). Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review. BMC Public Health, 22(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4

Frick, M. A., Isaksson, J., Vadlin, S., & Olofsdotter, S. (2023). Direct and Indirect Effects of Adolescent Peer Victimization and Mental Health on Academic Achievement in Early Adulthood: A 6-Year Longitudinal Cohort Study. Youth & Society. https://doi.org/10.1177/0044118x231185364

Graber, R., Turner, R., & Madill, A. (2015). Best friends and better coping: Facilitating psychological resilience through boys’ and girls’ closest friendships. British Journal of Psychology, 107(2), 338–358. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjop.12135

Kretschmer, T., van der Ploeg, R., & Kaufman, T. (2024). Peer victimization in early adolescence and maladjustment in adulthood. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 34(3), 1011–1024. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-024-02532-5

Lee, T. S.-H., Wu, Y. - J., Chao, E., Chang, C.-W., Hwang, K.-S., & Wu, W.-C. (2021). Resilience as a mediator of interpersonal relationships and depressive symptoms amongst 10th to 12th grade students. Journal of Affective Disorders, 278, 107–113. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2020.09.033

Luijten, C. C., van de Bongardt, D., & Nieboer, A. P. (2023). Adolescents’ friendship quality and over-time development of well-being: The explanatory role of self-esteem. Journal of Adolescence, 95(5), 1057–1069. https://doi.org/10.1002/jad.12175

Roach, A. (2018). Supportive Peer Relationships and Mental Health in Adolescence: An Integrative Review. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 39(9), 723–737. https://doi.org/10.1080/01612840.2018.1496498

Tikkanen, L., Anttila, H., Sanna Ulmanen, & Kirsi Pyhältö. (2024). Peer relationships and study wellbeing: upper secondary students’ experiences. Social Psychology of Education, 27. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11218-024-09942-y

Vieta-Piferrer, J., Oriol, X., & Miranda, R. (2024). Longitudinal Associations Between Cyberbullying Victimization and Cognitive and Affective Components of Subjective Well-Being in Adolescents: A Network Analysis. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 19(5), 2967–2989. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-024-10363-4

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