The Phases of Love

We all in our school must have studied the phases of the moon, at least once. Of course we did. At that age, I didn’t give much thought beyond learning what was taught just to pass exams. The moon was merely another chapter in the textbook, and I forgot about it later (hehe). As the summers passed, I gradually began to understand the phases of the moon in a way most people might not. Who doesn’t like to look at the clear sky at night? Stare at the stars until you forget the count? Or draw imaginary characters by mapping them together? I was that kid. I am that kid, actually. Even now, I look at the sky as if one day it might disappear and I would lose the opportunity to connect with my soulmate. Someone once told me that if you look at the night sky and think about your loved one, they, too, are thinking about you. (i forgot who told me this, but thanks for feeding my delusions. I shall find you one day threat) 

I cannot help but think about how love can be simply seen in every possible thing. One of which I think of is the moon’s phases. 

The moon doesn’t become full in a single night. It changes slowly, almost so slowly that you hardly even notice it. Love, I think, does the same. 

The love of your life slows the time around you. At first, it’s just a silly attraction in the way they move fingers through their hair, in the way they smile that somehow reaches their eyes, and their eyes. God, those dancing eyes, playing with your tiny heart. You don’t understand what or how or why you’re feeling the way you are, but you still want to feel it more often. You want to witness their presence and try not to disappear into the ground. This is what I would like to call the New Moon phase. You don’t really get the answers to your questions (you don’t even know the right questions), but you like to play with them anyway. 

As this feeling progresses, you start to get nervous around them, feel butterflies, and become more conscious of your movements. I still remember the time vividly when I first made myself embarrass around her (and there were more such moments which she found rather cute. So I won guys!!) I even forgot to breathe properly in her presence. That intense was her effect. This is the Waxing Crescent phase. You tend to do every possible thing to become closer to them. Be it waiting for them after lectures, asking them questions even when you know the answers, or pretending to be wrong so they would correct you. A little flower begins to bloom with every interaction along the way. This feeling makes you painfully aware of your own existence. It’s astonishing, isn’t it? How someone simply exist and still manage to confuse every functioning organ in your body. 

Gradually, you fall into their rhythm. Life goes on. You still meet them, laugh at the same jokes, and find yourself looking for them in the crowded hallway without consciously deciding to. You wonder how their day went, you hear a song and think of them before you even think of yourself, you come across something amusing and instinctively think ‘I should tell them this.’ It’s no longer about wanting to be noticed by them; you just want to share your world with them. This is the First Quarter phase. 

Your heart already knows something your mind refuses to admit. And you keep asking yourself ridiculous questions, “Do I actually like them?” “Am I imagining all of this?” “Well, maybe I’m just attached?” Your brain desperately tries to explain every feeling, while your heart is like all is well bacha, all is well. I would like to call this questioning phase the Waxing Gibbous phase. 

You start to remember little things they probably don’t even remember telling you. The way they pronounce certain words, the stories they’ve already told you three times, the way they absentmindedly tap their fingers against the table while thinking. You don’t decide to remember these things, but you still do. Love has a curious way of making ordinary details feel sacred. 

You begin to understand the world through their lenses, you start to dress better (trust me, this is something you won’t even notice), and without realising you start to enjoy the melodies they create. The music that only you can listen to. 

Oh oh, I’ve fallen in love.

By the time your brain understands, your heart has already welcomed them. This is the Full Moon phase. Can you really tell when that admiration of someone turns into something special? I wasn’t able to. That’s how lovely the whole journey is. 

As the days pass, you find yourself fully immersed in their language. At times, you may still not understand it, but you like listening to it because it’s them. Then seasons fade, and other miracles happen, and your life carries on. You begin to notice that the feeling has changed you a lot. You may have even become the best version of yourself. 

The moon, however, doesn’t remain full forever. So, it enters the Waning Gibbous phase. 

The feeling that once made you nervous around them starts to fade. The butterflies that once made your stomach twist begin to disappear. It’s all because your mind no longer sees them as unfamiliar. We often romanticise those butterflies, but they’re really just our brain preparing us for uncertainty. As certainty grows, so does the comfort. 

You may begin to notice their flaws. Perhaps they’re stubborn. Maybe they’re terrible at replying to messages (like me). No human being is born perfect. We all have some things that require us to look deep into ourselves. Your ideas may not match, or even your beliefs may differ. But you still choose to stay by their side. This is where, for the first time, you realise loving someone is not simply about admiring them. It’s about choosing them, even after the illusion has faded. 

But for some people this feeling doesn’t fade. They still get nervous around them. Which is completely okay. Maybe your heart understands the rhythm, but your brain is still learning. It takes its own time. And for that, it has to repeat the cycle. Relive the moments of bliss. 

Then comes the Last Quarter phase. The phase where love asks a difficult question, “Now that you know who they are… will you stay?” Because admiration asks for very little. Commitment asks for everything. 

Can you still see the spark of love in evening conversations, sipping chai (or coffee. I prefer chai. hehe) together, or sitting in a cozy corner of the room enjoying each other’s presence? Can you understand the moments when your loved one needs some space? Because we all need some “me time” to gather our thoughts. And without noticing, you fall into the Waning Crescent phase, hoping to return to the New Moon phase again. 

The moon hasn’t vanished, it’s just preparing to begin again. People change, seasons change, dreams change, and if you are fortunate enough, you change together. Humans keep evolving, and that’s what makes us human, because we are curious minds and we love to explore. Our journey is a never-ending exploration of ourselves and the world around us. The person sitting beside you today won’t be exactly the same person ten years from now, and neither will you. So, you begin again. 

You become curious about them once more, you ask new questions, maybe discover new fears, celebrate new dreams, and in doing so, you fall in love with them all over again. The moon returns to its New Moon phase, and you keep repeating the cycle. 

Perhaps that’s what love has always been. Willingly choosing to live through again and again. 

I’ve heard people say that it is difficult to find true love in this generation. Is it? Maybe they are correct. Or maybe we’re asking the wrong question. 

Instead of wondering whether true love still exists, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether we’ve learned how to love. 

Have you asked yourself what love means to you? Have you tried to make an effort to know someone beyond the first impression? Have you put the phones away and noticed the person sitting across from you? Have you listened to them when they tell you something very boring? Have you stayed beside them even when they’re not speaking? Have you remained curious about them after the excitement faded? Have you?...

A part of me is still learning what the word ‘love’ truly means because no matter how much I understand it, my heart still wants to know more of it. It changes its form, changes its rhythm, just like the moon. Maybe that’s the point. Love was never meant to stay full forever. It was always meant to keep returning, asking us to discover the same person—and ourselves—all over again. 

Love doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic one. It can be platonic, it can be friendly, as long as you’re happy its all that matters (but not the toxic one. Nah nah). So enjoy the interactions and moments in your life because every bond reminds us that we’re a little less alone beneath the same night sky.